Three Cigarettes in an Ashtray

2am - Just got back from my SECOND trip to UMD today. I was hunting for a pic to put in this post when I realized: I left my USB drive in my classroom computer!!! FAIL! I live in Arlington, a 50-mile round trip over 2 rivers, 4 highways and many lights. EPIC FAIL! It's after midnight. What comes after EPIC? Oh no, my key card works but the door is deadbolted...EPIC EPIC EPIC FAI...then I got lucky. Two students said the computer lab entrance should work. Success! My key card worked, I went up to the classroom and there was my USB drive.

I didn't even have to use it. I had uploaded my presentation to blackboard on Sunday. I did this once last semester too (and then I didn't realize it til the next afternoon). Lesson relearned. It was only after I left that I thought, isn't it kinda early for students to be pulling late-nights in the computer lab?

Anyway my first trip to UMD today was more fun. Driving in, this song came up on my iPod. It's one of my all-time-favorite k.d. lang songs, originally sung by Patsy Cline (maybe I should get into country music programming). And being that I was on the way to teach class, I started thinking about how the song relates to the Philippine Revolution/Spanish American War/Philippine American War. Then I decided, I'll make that their homework for next week. To make sure they read, I make them write a 500-word reflection each week. I give them prompts--words, quotations, concepts--to wrap their reflections around (and to keep them from mindless summarizing). This song just became one of the prompts they can choose from. See, this is why listen to music in the car instead of NPR.

I pulled up the video on youtube when I got to class, played it for them and said: so there are three characters in the song: my love, I, and the stranger that came along. In the drama of these wars, who is my love, I and the stranger? Let's see what they come up with. I have my ideas. What do you think? The lyrics are below.

So four students dropped (including one of the Filipino Cultural Association officers who I was looking forward to having, boo) and four students took their places so I still have 40. They have until Monday to solidify their schedule. Four people were absent today so maybe I'll end up with a smaller class. What's up with the fours? Isn't that an unlucky number?

Having a TA is nice. She did my copying so I didn't have to come early, took roll and best of all, she made my slides look beauteous! (It's a word--I looked it up). The handout was a census form and survey so now she gets to tally them for me. Yay!

But I'm the one who has to remember to take my USB drive out of the computer!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbum19PoYRw

Two cigarettes in an ashtray,
My love and I in a small cafe.
Then a stranger came along,
And everything went wrong.
Now there's three cigarettes in the ashtray.

I watched her take him from me,
And his love is no longer my own.
Now they are gone, and I sit alone,
And watch one cigarette burn away.

Gratuitous Applause

Today was the first day of class. This semester I'm teaching Filipino American history. Just one class--and I was definitely better prepared for it today than I was last year when I had a second class on a different topic thrown at me (which I willingly caught) two weeks before classes started.

So this class goes from Magellan to Marcos, but really they're just weak bookends to the burgeoning story in between. I started out with an homage to Cory Aquino. I showed the first four minutes of this clip, up to her proclaiming that "I have returned as the president of a free people." It's from her speech before the U.S. Congress in September 1986.

http://www.youtube.com/user/NinoyAquinoTV#play/user/D76CFC30F40BCB55/0/WX9ysynaIq0

"What did you see?" I asked the class. "Gratuitous applause." "A warm welcome." "Congratulations."

Then I flashed back 88 years to the story of the U.S. invasion of the Philippines, to another proclamation of freedom by another revolutionary leader and Philippine president, Emilio Aguinaldo. Using a cartoon adaptation of the history as written by Howard Zinn, I asked three students to volunteer to do a dramatic reading of the story (It's called A People's History of American Empire. You can look it up on Google Books but the preview blocks out all the drawings, but here is a sample).



The contrast is not subtle. A warm welcome versus a deceitful arm around the shoulder. Sincere (maybe even guilty) congratulations versus a congratulations with a glint in the eye. Gratuitous applause versus gratuitous violence.

"This is American History" read the last slide. That is an homage to Ronald Takaki who asked us to challenge the Master Narrative of American History, that our country was settled by Europeans and that Americans are white.

As usual this idea, to add the Cory Aquino video, came to me last night, meaning I get some good ideas at the last "minute." Thanks to those of you who posted videos after Cory died. You were my source.

So the class went well. Everybody came! All 40 students on my roster and 1 person from the waitlist showed up! That's never happened before. And the average GPA in the class is a 3.08! Normally it's around 2.8. This should be an interesting semester. Let's see if the syllabus scares anyone away.

Prep time

7 hours putting a script together for a dramatic reading for today's Asian American Sexualities class (putting together snippets of their writing, chosen by my TA; so, their words, my structure). 30/40 show up. everybody gets a part. over in 30 minutes. but funny, poignant, smiling faces. applause. it worked.

No reservations, no regrets - I don't hate that I didn't know then what I know now

My class seems quite nonjudgmental and forgiving about the diversity of Filipino ethnic performance (or nonperformance).

Oh, please! C'mon, give me some hate. Haven't I created a safe environment to share your honest thoughts?

Huh?

Okay, so at the beginning of the semester I asked everyone to write an essay about themselves and answer the question (no matter what their race) what they think it means to be Filipino American. Last night, I literally cut out sentences from their essays and randomly stuffed them into five envelopes. Today I divided the class into five groups, gave each an envelope and asked them to do a thematic analysis of the contents.

But before dividing the group up, I showed clips from Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations Philippines episode. I chose clips that showed the diverse influences we have, and Augusto and his identity crisis. In between I asked the group for their reactions and a few pointed questions. Two of the students (both Filipino) saw it when it aired. They both thought it was a fair representation of the diversity of food, for an hour-long show.

When I asked the group to describe to me what authentic Filipino food is, most of them responded with a variation of "it depends." I probably conditioned that response so I asked it another way: if you ate at a Filipino restaurant, what would make you give it a good rating? One student volunteered that he does expect a certain saltiness, reminiscent of his mother's cooking. Then I showed the clip where one (probably uncharacteristically well-stocked) cook explained the commonality of sourness. I skipped over the clip that proclaimed the commonality to be bitterness. So even in defining what's common, we have to allow for diversity: salty, sour and bitter.

Then I showed Augusto's audition tape, his meeting up with Bourdain in Cebu where he explains his detachment from being Filipino, and Bourdain's disappointment with Augusto's inability to be a guide. Three students quickly raised their hands:

"Bourdain is expecting too much. The kid grew up in NY. Culture does not stay with you like skin color. I spent a week with relatives in Germany and I couldn't explain the cuisine. Eating is not the same as knowing the meaning." I wasn't expecting these insights.

But those three students were not Filipino, so I asked the Filipino students: what do you think? Is this hitting close to home? Chuckles. Most of them are Augusto. One Cebuana said that her family is just like what they showed: quiet. And besides a film crew can be intimidating. Another said that when he went home, they didn't have a parade for him. They identified with feeling like an outsider in the Philippines, with feeling detached from "Filipino."

And when I pressed, they recognized the pressure of Bourdain's expectation, however unrealistic. Relatives, friends and strangers, Filipino and not, often expect us to know the culture we came from, as if culture was innate or inherited. And we're expected to retrieve it easily, as if we just temporarily misplaced it. We all agreed, as Bourdain said, that no matter how much we read, eat, try and (re)learn the language, we can never go home.

So then the group activity started. Here are just a few of the responses that they were categorizing (paraphrased, I had about 90 clippings, 18 per group).

A Filipino American is...
- Filipino first.
- an American. Filipino is just a description of root and origin.
- are from close knit families and groups.
- something I have only recently become proud of.
- is proud and connected to his roots.
- must first be active in taking part in cultural practices to earn the right to be labeled as such.
- short, brown, loud, kind, driven, hard working, funny, hospitable [these got categorized under the theme of stereotype].

After all was said and done, they were quite willing to accept the diversity of opinions on what it means to be Filipino American. I liked the apparent dichotomies in the responses, so I tested them: So Augusto was not Filipino American until he got interested in his culture? Yes, he was--they were adamant--yes he is. He wasn't self-aware, but that doesn't mean he's not Filipino American. I don't get to tell him he's not Filipino.

Oh, please! C'mon, give me some hate. Haven't I created a safe environment to share your honest thoughts?

Seriously, though, I'm glad they are so nonjudgmental. But I'll have other opportunities to hit them in the gut with the reading that's coming up. I'm going for affective learning (heart) as well as intellectual.

One comment that I recognized as my own judgmental bias was this:

- just being the child of Filipino immigrants may qualify you, but if you aren't divesting [I think she meant investing] a certain amount interest into wanting to learn moare about your culture, your family, or the struggles that the Filipino community faces, then what's the point?

This is me at times because, as an activist, I have often wondered, why am I the only Filipino in this room full of Asians fighting for xxx issue? The aunties put on their banquets and uncles proclaim a vague pride in being Filipino, but where are they when it matters?

I know, though, that the criticism is unfair. I judge from a position of privilege--educated, English-speaking, assimilated--and fortunate to have had my consciousness raised and get paid for it. I am Augusto, more so than my students, because I was probably the same age as him when I decided to wrestle with identity (and I don't blame my parents cuz they were as colonized as I was whitewashed). I don't hate that I didn't know then what I know now.

And now I have a unique opportunity to teach a class on Filipino American activism.

This excerpt best exemplifies the class's inclusiveness:

To me, the definition of being Filipino American is as flexible a term as the people who embody it. There is no qualification to being Fil-Am--you don't need to know Tagalog, you don't need to eat "our food." The more Americans we can also call Filipino the better.

There is no right or wrong answer, the kids want to say (just like in my other class). Okay, I said, I can accept that. But there are consequences. Foreshadowing...

Have a good spring break!

Community organizers

So here is my OMG from today's class:

OMG they don't know why or how "community organizer" became such a loaded term! Ok, one person knew that Obama considered himself a community organizer. But no one remembered that Sarah Palin disparaged them. Where were they?!?!?! Just 5 months ago, right? Sheltered? Inattentive? Selective? Or maybe Palin's comment didn't have that much play except among those of us who got offended. Hmmmm.

But today was a good class. We discussed "Philip Vera Cruz: A Personal History..." with questions like these:

• Let’s call Philip Vera Cruz a community organizer. A loaded term, I know. So let’s reload it. How do you think Philip Vera Cruz would define “community organizer”? Think in terms of knowledge, qualities, skills and other factors that you think are important.

I also asked about his lessons in leadership and coalition building and participation. Most importantly, I threw all sorts of current events into the mix: harassment of day laborers, "illegal immigrants," the stimulus package, majority rules, bi-partisan "compromise", driving while brown. What does Philip Vera Cruz's personal history have to tell us about these issues? Got a lot of participation! And my favorite, we got some disagreement and surfaced some prejudice. Teachable moments! Yeah!

Diana Ross

I came out to my Asian American Sexualities class today (3rd meeting). I'm never sure how to do it (oblique reference? or ellen-level declarative?) and it's always a bit unnerving. And as usual with this generation, the class is nonplussed. Next subject.

Of course, I don't think my students are representative of the school. The title of the course, I'm sure, selects for a certain set of students.

Today was declarative, minus ellen's elan.

History live!

There's nothing like hearing history from the history makers themselves. Today in class I was lucky to have the two fierce pinays whose activism created Asian American Studies at UMD, Christina and Angela Lagdameo. If I can figure out how to link to the Washington Post article about them (Aug 31, 2000), I'll post it. And then Juanita Tamayo Lott came by too, so that we could also hear about her experience in the 1968 student strike at SF state. Hearing them speak reminds me of how much history does not capture. The passion, the enthusiasm, the moment, and fascinating tidbits get freeze-dried and abstracted for our textbooks. Of course we should still clamor for inclusion in those books. But never let books be the only tool for learning.

My course is titled (not by me) Filipino American History and Biography. But today it dawned on me (or maybe I'm just admitting) that the more appropriate title is Filipino American Activism.

We hear over and again about the Asian communities' lack of activism and interest in engaging politically. About our meekness and desire to not rock the boat. And I hear this mostly from other Asians. But maybe that's the narrative we've been fed to keep us down (and that we believe it means we've internalized the racism it represents). Maybe it's that we don't know where to look for the activists, because Asian American studies isn't around in enough places to raise our consciousness about how much we've actually done. And because people like me often do complain, why aren't we being louder? Where are we (on x issue)?

We need to hear more stories about ourselves to repudiate, complicate and diversify this portrait of the non-activist Asian American. And in recognition of my very diverse class, I should clarify that "we" and "ourselves" is not just Filipinos or Asians. My class will leave knowing who the activists are.